I'm feeling younger, it's better than wiser

- jag dör sakta inombords
- vi kan dö tillsammans
- if you jump i jump
- så slipper man ensam liksom
- väldigt sant. inte för att jag någonsin vill önska någon denna båt men att dela den med någon lättar på trycket
- det är så sant så sant

eller orden ifrån hanna idag om att hade hon kunnat hade hon varit hos mig och med mig varje minut utav dygnet i avseende att hon ser att det behövs. jag tackar för det lilla jag får, det räcker långt. idag var kaos men har jag sagt att jag har gudagoda vänner? om inte så säger jag det nu. det har jag.

varken in eller ut, skratta eller gråta, ge upp eller motivera. stöd, fina ord och heidi så fort jag vaknade imorse för att sedan peppas och skratta med den fantastiska trion och mysa och prata om allting och ingenting på kuddar i en soffa med tobias. en värdig dag utan syfte men som ger mig mer än vad jag kan ta emot. språket känns oövervinnligt och orden därtill besegrar mig.

eftersom jag förlorat min livs kärlek i form utav min kamera som tagit tillfället i akt och har en tre-dagars övernattningsfest på sveagatan håller jag sålänge till godo med linneas bilder ifrån onsdagens, fel av mig, torsdagens bravader;

i'm a lucky girl moon river to be gone bye bye love home sweet home you´ve got to picture it go ahead and try to change me honey i belive in a thing called thursday the way it´s suppose to be find out what it means to me it´s all so very blurry one last breath starstruck you´ve got that somethin´ time flies let it fall with every heartbeart it takes some time to behave too tired to think as i started to dance bless me i don´t want to see you stand still scrapbook me up waste more time i guess i never promised you a rosegarden he shines in a world full of ugliness concrete jungle what´s up, papercup run to the sun pop the glock the sad truth is lets celebrate what´s left to celebrate harvest moon merry happy soup fast forward just make the most of it, jiggy wiggy with it no pause i´ll send the doorman forever young this trumpet in my head hanging high here´s the thing you´re always up to no good down the line big and beautiful brother play your part whistle for will give me a beat your life depends on it raindrop drip drop teardrop don´t drop touch too much true story this american boy you say well i´m gifted all natural and bursting the seems bum like you go to sleep my little baby delayed devotion lockdown you´ll find a way bendable poseable konichiwa bitches what a beautilful day a day can be longing for a lullaby all this beauty and then i saw her face mellow my mind a little piece of mine tangled up in blue you really got me going and i´m singin´ cuz i´m never gonna rule the world good old stonecake nils play me round like a record my heart has a tough night ahead fa-fa-fa let me tell you what i do when my day is over a family thing say goodnight and go if only i could have you with me every second of the day whatever colors you have in your mind, i´ll show them to you and you´ll see them shine don´t think twice, it´s alright the hard tough truth what i just told you about daybreak i will be blessed karma police if you gotta go, go now and from your lips you drew the hallelujah a walk down memory lane

this is what the world is for, making electricity i´m gonna send my heart in a box to you don´t don´t feel it on the floor let´s dance to joy division she holds a key when you have no light to guide you lovefool give me a beat that i can belive in isn´t ironic? don´t hate on me head over feet so pure and so clean pleace just one more time god put a smile on your face pump it up you! me! dancin´! come away with me in the night leave your bagage behind no time left to pretend mental mystics you can count me in babygirl you´re going to love this la valse d'amelie a punk electric feel what to do when i deserve you my prescious is leaving but i wish her well you´re such a good one girl eclipse i´m starting up my own business you can see it in my eyes cuz you never were and you´ll never be mine don´t want to change my new york name we get it on new stars in the sky the day is near, the day is here ziggy stardust the rain makes me all bitter and and bit nuts actually you bring me so much joy, sweet like chocolate to make a statement destination unknown toni braxton says i have a choice to make but do i trust her wisdom? and i got down on my knees as i was begging please i never knew that i could hurt someone i love, i never new i could hurt someone at all. but i´m only human and you should know by now fluorescent adolescent i´m living on the edge and you can help me from fallin´ what else is there to do then? this new world that i live in is full of diamonds there are a thousand ways to tell you this but i don´t have the guts to tell you in any hot topic my ass but i have nothing else to do but holy maria says i shouldn´t hot chick it´s my party and i cry if i want to you just put me in a jar of fun is this a magic number? cuz, if it is, i´ll dial it i will never love you like my boyfriend when i was fourteen the most clever thing she says i´m losing a bad religion one day in the life of to make a holliday out of a sunday pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall. but watching stars without you, my soul cries, having a heart is full of pain she moves in her own way play the game, the game gets played can i get an extra plate, please? glowing with you the faster they run the harder they come when are they gonna settle for people like you and me? this aint no movie no we got to pump it up and so we did i´m just too heavy baby baby i´ve been too young and now i´m too old if only you had told me before twelve o´clock gettin´closer chandelier searchlight climbing up the walls deerhoof baby got my back paranoid android thank you for being you brainstormin´ rabbit in your headlights that was that week, what about this week? high&dry but if i do, don´t you? this breakup is breakin´ me but not for long give me time and give me space give me time, give us a kiss open up your eyes the world should revolve around me i´m saving grace but i´ve seen better days sweet about me i´ve been the upperside of down, the inside of out and we talk about stupid things like feelings and men don´t feel like milkshake breath in, breathe out ever ever after hanging by a moment this is not the sound of a new man or a crispy realization, it's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away, your love will be, safe witlaugh out loud h mewhite winter hymnal  and i´m so sick of lovesongs killing loneliness tomorrow can wait make up the breakdown and so we danced, we forgot, what was real and what was in our minds love turns water into wine if only you knew how you make me feel your heart is in my hands, my head is in the clouds, my feet have left the ground, my life is turning around do´s and dont´s bigmouth strikes again and oh my god if every day was a sunday morning but baby i remember when you´re just too good to be true i promise you broadway is waiting for me how soon is now? when soul meets body friday i´m in love you touch 2 feel the cleveland shake but i can´t close my eyes and make it go away all i can do is be me, whoever that is to be were there´s life sing me a song and i promise to sing along subterranean homesick blues i find it kind of funny, i find it kind of sad they don´t give me any medals mmm bop here you have my bridge over troubled water i see the devil in the sky olympic airways bangkok-boy we are the everliving ghost of what once was echoes, silence, patience and grace kiss and tell love buzz nobody's ever taught you how to live out on the street and now you're gonna have to get used to it and it doesn´t help that every time i type a letter on my computer my toaster makes a sound my day just got alot better STD good news for people who love bad news but if you don´t talk shit and just deal with the life your given by birth crash and burn girl so dream on sad songs for dirty lovers i had a plan, with you, stan, but you ran, the hell away from here, stan it´s almost like a happy birthday i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends brave new world if you belive in a man on the moon i can see the leaves fall down the trees through the window skin of a drum i used to jog but the ice-cubes kept falling out of my glass objects of my affection we throw parties, you throw knives love minus zero/no limit with god on your side ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe, it don´t matter anyhow burst the bubble or the bubble will burst running up that hill and sleeping with ghosts and i told you to be mine what a waste to never be afraid again don´t they know it´s christmas? christmas lights gone wild i just hope you´re movin´ quit your low down ways and someone´s got a hold of my heart to sum the sum sum up up

jag sammanfattar året som gått.

dagen blev sämre. med ett klantigt klick var hela min blogg borta, försöker nu reparera den igen. hava hänsyn.

om tre timmar möter jag upp stina på stationen och dess för innan måste jag ta tag i mitt utslitna, upp och nervända hem. och okej, jag är jätteglad att hon ska komma, och det ska bli otroligt mysigt, men vafan, hur enkelt var det att vakna efter fem timmars sömn fortfarande påtagligt påverkad efter gårdagens festligheter på möllan?

det dunkar i mitt huvud som aldrig förr och jag har mina teorier till varför. nedklottrade dagar framöver och morgonens gröt-explosion i mikron som måste städas undan, bort och väck.